This is the second and last episode relating to the LGBTQ+ community in honour of pride month. In this episode, I read through the coming out stories of a gay man in China.

哈喽,大家好。我是Kaycee。

Hā lóu, dàjiā hǎo. Wǒ shì Kaycee.

六月份是同志骄傲月。虽然下周二是六月份的最后一天但不代表争取平等的斗争就会在这一天结束。两周前,我介绍了“形婚”这个概念,今天我们来看看一位中国大叔34年来的几次出柜经历。

Liù yuèfèn shì tóngzhì jiāo’ào yuè. Suīrán xià zhōu’èr shì liù yuèfèn de zuìhòu yītiān dàn bù dàibiǎo zhēngqǔ píngděng de dòuzhēng jiù huì zài zhè yītiān jiéshù. Liǎng zhōu qián, wǒ jièshàole “xíng hūn” zhège gàiniàn, jīntiān wǒmen lái kàn kàn yī wèi zhōngguó dàshū 34 niánlái de jǐ cì chū guì jīnglì.

像他本人所说,时间跨度大,社会和知识进步让不同年代大家对待同志的态度也不同。好,我们从1998年开始。

Xiàng tā běnrén suǒ shuō, shíjiān kuàdù dà, shèhuì hé zhīshì jìnbù ràng bùtóng niándài dàjiā duìdài tóngzhì de tàidù yě bùtóng. Hǎo, wǒmen cóng 1998 nián kāishǐ.


  1. 1998年,和父母出柜

当时我对自己同性恋的身份认同并不好。那时候的书籍上,同志是被当做“性倒错”的疾病来治疗的,国内外都有治疗的案例,比如厌恶疗法、脱敏疗法、心理分析等等,各种流派都有。

  1. 1998 nián, hé fùmǔ chū guì

Dāngshí wǒ duì zìjǐ tóngxìngliàn de shēnfèn rèntóng bìng bù hǎo. Nà shíhòu de shūjí shàng, tóngzhì shì bèi dàngzuò “xìng dào cuò” de jíbìng lái zhìliáo de, guónèi wài dōu yǒu zhìliáo de ànlì, bǐrú yànwù liáofǎ, tuō mǐn liáofǎ, xīnlǐ fēnxī děng děng, gè zhǒng liúpài dōu yǒu.

当时我是希望能够“治疗”自己的性取向的问题的,而那时候能帮助我的只有父母。所以,我和班主任老师请了假,回到家,告诉了父母,我是同性恋。

Dāngshí wǒ shì xīwàng nénggòu “zhìliáo” zìjǐ dì xìng qǔxiàng de wèntí de, ér nà shíhòu néng bāngzhù wǒ de zhǐyǒu fùmǔ. Suǒyǐ, wǒ hé bānzhǔrèn lǎoshī qǐngle jiǎ, huí dàojiā, gàosùle fùmǔ, wǒ shì tóngxìngliàn.

父母当时非常震惊,也很无助。那时候家里没有网络,仅有的书籍对同性恋的描述都是负面的、疾病性的。我们三口之家顿时陷入了低谷。父母随后帮我找心理医生进行治疗。而那时候心理医生也认为同性恋是需要治疗的疾病。我还记得当时的心理医生很好奇的问我:“我很奇怪,一个男生怎么会喜欢男生呢?那种感觉是什么样子的?” 我很聪明的告诉他:“就和你和女孩子相处一样。”他这才顿悟。

Fùmǔ dāngshí fēicháng zhènjīng, yě hěn wú zhù. Nà shíhòu jiālǐ méiyǒu wǎngluò, jǐn yǒu de shūjí duì tóngxìngliàn de miáoshù dōu shì fùmiàn de, jíbìng xìng de. Wǒmen sānkǒu zhī jiā dùnshí xiànrùle dīgǔ. Fùmǔ suíhòu bāng wǒ zhǎo xīnlǐ yīshēng jìnxíng zhìliáo. Ér nà shíhòu xīnlǐ yīshēng yě rènwéi tóngxìngliàn shì xūyào zhìliáo de jíbìng. Wǒ hái jìdé dàng shí de xīnlǐ yīshēng hěn hàoqí de wèn wǒ:“Wǒ hěn qíguài, yīgè nánshēng zěnme huì xǐhuān nánshēng ne? Nà zhǒng gǎnjué shì shénme yàngzi de?” Wǒ hěn cōngmíng de gàosù tā:“Jiù hé nǐ hé nǚ hái zǐ xiāngchǔ yīyàng.” Tā zhè cái dùnwù.

整体上,那个时代,很多人对同志知识的了解是非常少的。这也是我为什么一直倡导:知识是改变社会对少数人群看法的最重要的途径。也因为如此,当有人歧视同志的时候,我很少会和他们争论或反过来责骂他们,因为我知道,那是因为他们太无知了,他们需要帮助。

Zhěngtǐ shàng, nàgè shídài, hěnduō rén duì tóngzhì zhīshì de liǎojiě shì fēicháng shǎo de. Zhè yěshì wǒ wèishéme yīzhí chàngdǎo: Zhīshì shì gǎibiàn shèhuì duì shǎoshù rénqún kànfǎ de zuì zhòngyào de tújìng. Yě yīnwèi rúcǐ, dāng yǒurén qíshì tóngzhì de shíhòu, wǒ hěn shǎo huì hé tāmen zhēnglùn huò fǎn guòlái zémà tāmen, yīnwèi wǒ zhīdào, nà shì yīnwèi tāmen tài wúzhīliǎo, tāmen xūyào bāngzhù.

2. 1998年,和高中班主任出柜

2. 1998 nián, hé gāozhōng bānzhǔrèn chū guì

很快,我和高中班主任老师出柜了。班主任老师当时快60岁了,是一位性格耿直、备受同学尊敬的”老头儿“。让我感动的是,老师并没有表现出太多的惊讶。 可能因为我在整个学校都是最棒的学生,所以老师也不想我是学坏了;也可能在老师30多年的教学生涯中,像我这种“怪学生”他已经见的太多了……所以,他告诉我,个人发展最重要,做一个对社会有用的人,其他都不是问题。

Hěn kuài, wǒ hé gāozhōng bānzhǔrèn lǎoshī chū guìle. Bānzhǔrèn lǎoshī dāngshí kuài 60 suìle, shì yī wèi xìnggé gěngzhí, bèi shòu tóngxué zūnjìng de” lǎotóu er “. Ràng wǒ gǎndòng de shì, lǎoshī bìng méiyǒu biǎoxiàn chū tài duō de jīngyà. Kěnéng yīnwèi wǒ zài zhěnggè xuéxiào dōu shì zuì bàng de xuéshēng, suǒyǐ lǎoshī yě bùxiǎng wǒ shì xué huàile; yě kěnéng zài lǎoshī 30 duōnián de jiàoxuéshēngyá zhōng, xiàng wǒ zhè zhǒng “guài xué shēng” tā yǐjīng jiàn de tài duōle……suǒyǐ, tā gàosù wǒ, gèrén fà zhǎn zuì zhòngyào, zuò yīgè duì shèhuì yǒuyòng de rén, qítā dōu bùshì wèntí.

不过,自从和老师出柜以后,老师对我有了两个变化:(1)更关心我的个人生活了,让我不要总学习,也放松一些;(2)不担心我和班里的年级第二名谈恋爱了,她是一个女生,高考后来去了上海交通大学,后面我会提到她。

Bùguò, zìcóng hé lǎoshī chū guì yǐhòu, lǎoshī duì wǒ yǒule liǎng gè biànhuà:(1) Gèng guānxīn wǒ de gèrén shēnghuóle, ràng wǒ bùyào zǒng xuéxí, yě fàngsōng yīxiē;(2) bù dānxīn wǒ hé bān lǐ de niánjí dì èr míng tán liàn’àile, tā shì yīgè nǚshēng, gāokǎo hòulái qùle shànghǎi jiāotōng dàxué, hòumiàn wǒ huì tí dào tā.

去年(2014年)春节,我们高中同学在长春和老师聚会,别的同学都是结婚、生子的,他并没有问我的情感生活。不过他私下对我说,我是他最挂念的学生。

Qùnián (2014 nián) chūnjié, wǒmen gāozhōng tóngxué zài zhǎngchūn hé lǎoshī jùhuì, bié de tóngxué dōu shì jiéhūn, shēngzǐ de, tā bìng méiyǒu wèn wǒ de qínggǎn shēnghuó. Bùguò tā sīxià duì wǒ shuō, wǒ shì tā zuì guàniàn de xuéshēng.

3. 1999年,和高中同学出柜

3. 1999 nián, hé gāozhōng tóngxué chū guì

我第一个出柜的同学是喜欢我的女学生,我们叫她A吧。A非常优秀,性格活泼,家庭背景也非常好。当然,也有很多男生追她。我和她是很好的同学关系,是那种可以互相交换日记本、看完后还写小纸条交换心思的灵魂伙伴。

Wǒ dì yī gè chū guì de tóngxué shì xǐhuān wǒ de nǚ xuéshēng, wǒmen jiào tā A ba.A fēicháng yōuxiù, xìnggé huópō, jiātíng bèijǐng yě fēicháng hǎo. Dāngrán, yěyǒu hěnduō nánshēng zhuī tā. Wǒ hé tā shì hěn hǎo de tóngxué guānxì, shì nà zhǒng kěyǐ hù xiàng jiāohuàn rìjì běn, kàn wán hòu hái xiě xiǎo zhǐ tiáo jiāohuàn xīnsī de línghún huǒbàn.

高考结束后,她对我说,喜欢我。我还记得她说喜欢我的原因是:为什么别的男孩子都对我刮目相看,而你却视而不见呢?(哈哈,叛逆期的爱情)

Gāokǎo jiéshù hòu, tā duì wǒ shuō, xǐhuān wǒ. Wǒ hái jìdé tā shuō xǐhuān wǒ de yuányīn shì: Wèishéme bié de nán háizi dōu duì wǒ guāmùxiāngkàn, ér nǐ què shì’érbùjiàn ne?(Hāhā, pànnì qí de àiqíng)

后来,我和她出柜了。当她知道这一切的时候,表面是那么的冷静。但是两三天后,她对我说,她回家哭了一整天。她也在想,我整个高中是多么的痛苦啊,而她却没有帮助我。

Hòulái, wǒ hé tā chū guìle. Dāng tā zhīdào zhè yīqiè de shíhòu, biǎomiàn shì nàme de lěngjìng. Dànshì liǎng sān tiānhòu, tā duì wǒ shuō, tā huí jiā kūle yī zhěng tiān. Tā yě zài xiǎng, wǒ zhěnggè gāozhōng shì duōme de tòngkǔ a, ér tā què méiyǒu bāngzhù wǒ.

我们到大学后(她后来去了上海交通大学),仍然保持通信(是的,那个时代我们还不上网,仍然写书信哦),也会电话。

Wǒmen dào dàxué hòu (tā hòulái qùle shànghǎi jiāotōng dàxué), réngrán bǎochí tōngxìn (shì de, nàgè shídài wǒmen hái bù shàngwǎng, réngrán xiě shūxìn ó), yě huì diànhuà.

我非常感激A。后来,我在大学时候的感情生活,我工作后交男朋友,都会告诉她。她现在已经结婚,也有了自己的孩子。前些天,她还通过微信,给我看大学时候我们俩的通信。那个时候,我们还不到20岁,那么纯真、烂漫。

Wǒ fēicháng gǎnjī A. Hòulái, wǒ zài dàxué shíhòu de gǎnqíng shēnghuó, wǒ gōngzuò hòu jiāo nán péngyǒu, dūhuì gàosù tā. Tā xiànzài yǐjīng jiéhūn, yěyǒule zìjǐ de háizi. Qián xiē tiān, tā hái tōngguò wēixìn, gěi wǒ kàn dàxué shíhòu wǒmen liǎ de tōngxìn. Nàgè shíhòu, wǒmen hái bù dào 20 suì, nàme chúnzhēn, lànmàn.

我很高兴,我的青春有她的陪伴,让我现在仍然有美好的回忆和不停的惊喜。

Wǒ hěn gāoxìng, wǒ de qīngchūn yǒu tā de péibàn, ràng wǒ xiànzài réngrán yǒu měihǎo de huíyì hé bù tíng de jīngxǐ.

真正爱你的人,会为你的受伤而落泪。包括父母,包括朋友。所以,别伤害他们,也别伤害自己。

Zhēnzhèng ài nǐ de rén, huì wèi nǐ de shòushāng ér luò lèi. Bāokuò fùmǔ, bāokuò péngyǒu. Suǒyǐ, bié shānghài tāmen, yě bié shānghài zìjǐ.

4. 1999年,和自己的出柜

4. 1999 nián, hé zìjǐ de chū guì

和自己的出柜,我这里的意思是自我认同。这里,我要感谢中国知名性学家方刚老师。他在1995年就出版了《同性恋在中国》,当时我就在书店看到过这本书,但是没敢买。上大学前,我鼓起勇气买了这本书。我觉得这本书让我重生。

Hé zìjǐ de chū guì, wǒ zhèlǐ de yìsi shì zìwǒ rèntóng. Zhèlǐ, wǒ yào gǎnxiè zhōngguó zhīmíng xìng xué jiā fānggāng lǎoshī. Tā zài 1995 nián jiù chūbǎnle “tóngxìngliàn zài zhōngguó”, dāngshí wǒ jiù zài shūdiàn kàn dàoguò zhè běn shū, dànshì méi gǎn mǎi. Shàng dàxué qián, wǒ gǔ qǐ yǒngqì mǎile zhè běn shū. Wǒ juédé zhè běn shū ràng wǒ chóngshēng.

我第一次读到这样一本描述同性恋的书,是从正面的、同情的角度描写。并且里面有很多心理医生的采访,这些医生不像我之前遇到的那样认为Gay是疾病,而是对病人说:你没有病,回家吧!

Wǒ dì yī cì dú dào zhèyàng yī běn miáoshù tóngxìngliàn de shū, shì cóng zhèngmiàn de, tóngqíng de jiǎodù miáoxiě. Bìngqiě lǐmiàn yǒu hěnduō xīnlǐ yīshēng de cǎifǎng, zhèxiē yīshēng bù xiàng wǒ zhīqián yù dào dì nàyàng rènwéi Gay shì jíbìng, ér shì duì bìngrén shuō: Nǐ méiyǒu bìng, huí jiā ba!

2014年7月,ZANK出版了第一份《中国同志消费调查报告》,我请方刚老师来做了顾问。方刚老师谦虚的说,1995年的这本书,在现在看来有很多可以改进的地方,不过在那个时代,是非常积极正面描写同志的书籍,至少,影响了我后面的人生。

2014 nián 7 yuè,ZANK chūbǎnle dì yī fèn “zhōngguó tóngzhì xiāofèi diàochá bàogào”, wǒ qǐng fānggāng lǎoshī lái zuòle gùwèn. Fānggāng lǎoshī qiānxū de shuō,1995 nián de zhè běn shū, zài xiànzài kàn lái yǒu hěnduō kěyǐ gǎijìn dì dìfāng, bùguò zài nàgè shídài, shì fēicháng jījí zhèngmiàn miáoxiě tóngzhì de shūjí, zhìshǎo, yǐngxiǎngle wǒ hòumiàn de rénshēng.

也因此,我后来做的很多事情,包括创立飞赞、ZANK,有一个理念一直在我心中,那就是希望通过我和我的团队的工作,能够正面影响那些潜在的同志,我相信这是另一种积德行善。正如当初方刚老师对我的积极影响一样,我希望我能够积极影响更多其他同志。——当然,这还有很多路要走。

Yě yīncǐ, wǒ hòulái zuò de hěnduō shìqíng, bāokuò chuànglì fēi zàn,ZANK, yǒu yīgè lǐniàn yīzhí zài wǒ xīnzhōng, nà jiùshì xīwàng tōngguò wǒ hé wǒ de tuánduì de gōngzuò, nénggòu zhèngmiàn yǐngxiǎng nàxiē qiánzài de tóngzhì, wǒ xiāngxìn zhè shì lìng yī zhǒng jīdé xíngshàn. Zhèngrú dāngchū fānggāng lǎoshī duì wǒ de jījí yǐngxiǎng yīyàng, wǒ xīwàng wǒ nénggòu jījí yǐngxiǎng gèng duō qítā tóngzhì.——Dāngrán, zhè hái yǒu hěnduō lù yào zǒu.

5. 对大学同学出柜

5. Duì dàxué tóngxué chū guì

大学之后开始上网,我认识了更多同志。那时候手机还是奢侈品,很多同学都不用手机,所以我认识的很多同志朋友都是直接把电话打到宿舍。

Dàxué zhīhòu kāishǐ shàngwǎng, wǒ rènshíle gèng duō tóngzhì. Nà shíhòu shǒujī háishì shēchǐ pǐn, hěnduō tóngxué dōu bùyòng shǒujī, suǒyǐ wǒ rènshí de hěnduō tóngzhì péngyǒu dōu shì zhíjiē bǎ diànhuà dǎ dào sùshè.

同学们会奇怪,为什么打给我的电话,绝大多数都是男生呢?我告诉他们,我是Gay啊。不过他们不相信。那是10多年前,大家不相信很正常。放到现在(2015年),我想很多人不会把这个当玩笑吧?

Tóngxuémen huì qíguài, wèishéme dǎ gěi wǒ de diànhuà, jué dà duōshù dōu shì nánshēng ne? Wǒ gàosù tāmen, wǒ shì Gay a. Bùguò tāmen bù xiāngxìn. Nà shì 10 duōnián qián, dàjiā bù xiāngxìn hěn zhèngcháng. Fàng dào xiànzài (2015 nián), wǒ xiǎng hěnduō rén bù huì bǎ zhège dāng wánxiào ba?

现在想想,我当时就比较胆大,直接告诉别人我的宿舍电话。这也是我一直以来的生活态度:我是同志,而我的生活可以光明正大,无需遮掩。

Xiànzài xiǎng xiǎng, wǒ dāngshí jiù bǐjiào dǎn dà, zhíjiē gàosù biérén wǒ de sùshè diànhuà. Zhè yěshì wǒ yīzhí yǐlái de shēnghuó tàidù: Wǒ shì tóngzhì, ér wǒ de shēnghuó kěyǐ guāngmíngzhèngdà, wúxū zhēyǎn.

2013年,是我们大学毕业10周年纪念。我带我的男朋友参加了聚会,直到那时候,他们才真的相信我是同志。不过,没有一个表现出来惊讶。相反,我感觉他们对我们格外好,表现的非常支持。

2013 nián, shì wǒmen dàxué bìyè 10 zhōunián jìniàn. Wǒ dài wǒ de nán péngyǒu cānjiāle jùhuì, zhídào nà shíhòu, tāmen cái zhēn de xiāngxìn wǒ shì tóngzhì. Bùguò, méiyǒu yīgè biǎoxiàn chūlái jīngyà. Xiāngfǎn, wǒ gǎnjué tāmen duì wǒmen géwài hǎo, biǎoxiàn de fēicháng zhīchí.

感谢我的大学同学,四年里说了那么多真话你们不相信,十年后终于相信了。

Gǎnxiè wǒ de dàxué tóngxué, sì nián lǐ shuōle nàme duō zhēn huà nǐmen bù xiāngxìn, shí nián hòu zhōngyú xiāngxìnle.

6. 工作后

6. Gōngzuò hòu

我后来读了硕士(清华大学计算机系),再后来工作,不过反倒很少出柜了。几个原因:(1)需要出柜的机会很少了,因为研究生和工作后,大家的关系不像高中、大学那样亲密;(2)我也没有出柜的需要了,因为我能够很好的自我接纳。

Wǒ hòulái dúle shuòshì (qīnghuá dàxué jìsuànjī xì), zài hòulái gōngzuò, bùguò fǎndào hěn shǎo chū guìle. Jǐ gè yuányīn:(1) Xūyào chū guì de jīhuì hěn shǎole, yīnwèi yánjiūshēng hé gōngzuò hòu, dàjiā de guānxì bù xiàng gāozhōng, dàxué nàyàng qīnmì;(2) wǒ yě méiyǒu chū guì de xūyàole, yīnwèi wǒ nénggòu hěn hǎo de zìwǒ jiēnà.

这时候,如果有人问我,你是Gay么,我也不会尴尬。视情况而定,是否和他们出柜。

Zhè shíhòu, rúguǒ yǒurén wèn wǒ, nǐ shì Gay me, wǒ yě bù huì gāngà. Shì qíngkuàng ér dìng, shìfǒu hé tāmen chū guì.

总结一下:出柜永远是我们自己的事情,至于感觉,也只有自己最真切的感受。很多人觉得出柜不舒服,我觉得首先还是自己没有接受自己;而接受自己的人,也往往会把这种正面情绪传染给别人,无论他们是父母、同学、同事、朋友,他们都会感受到你的力量。

Zǒngjié yīxià: Chū guì yǒngyuǎn shì wǒmen zìjǐ de shìqíng, zhìyú gǎnjué, yě zhǐyǒu zìjǐ zuì zhēnqiè de gǎnshòu. Hěnduō rén juédé chū guì bú shūfú, wǒ juédé shǒuxiān háishì zìjǐ méiyǒu jiēshòu zìjǐ; ér jiēshòu zìjǐ de rén, yě wǎngwǎng huì bǎ zhè zhǒng zhèngmiàn qíngxù chuánrǎn gěi biérén, wúlùn tāmen shì fùmǔ, tóngxué, tóngshì, péngyǒu, tāmen dūhuì gǎnshòu dào nǐ de lìliàng.


从这一段的描述我们能看出来,整体上,出柜越来越容易,被接纳的程度也越来越高了。但是这个故事并不能代表所有人的经历。每个人的生活环境和社交圈子都不一样,很多人不敢跟周围的人出柜,有些人不敢跟自己出柜。只有随着时间和大家对同性恋这个话题有了更多的理解才能让更多的人更勇敢的、更舒服的面对自己,面对他人。

Cóng zhè yīduàn de miáoshù wǒmen néng kàn chūlái, zhěngtǐ shàng, chū guì yuè lái yuè róngyì, bèi jiēnà de chéngdù yě yuè lái yuè gāole. Dànshì zhège gùshì bìng bùnéng dàibiǎo suǒyǒu rén de jīnglì. Měi gèrén de shēnghuó huánjìng hé shèjiāo quānzi dōu bù yīyàng, hěnduō rén bù gǎn gēn zhōuwéi de rén chū guì, yǒuxiē rén bù gǎn gēn zìjǐ chū guì. Zhǐyǒu suízhe shíjiān hé dàjiā duì tóngxìngliàn zhège huàtí yǒule gèng duō de lǐjiě cáinéng ràng gèng duō de rén gèng yǒnggǎn de, gèng shūfú de miàn duì zìjǐ, miàn duì tārén.

我们下周见。

Wǒmen xià zhōu jiàn.

原味(Original blog post): https://www.zhihu.com/question/27377582

In honour of pride month, in this episode I briefly talk about what life is like for someone in the LGBTQ+ community in China. Lots of people automatically think it’s illegal to be part of the LGBTQ+ community in China. It’s not. There are LGBTQ+ friendly bars, clubs, dating apps, etc. Is life harder for a LGBTQ+ person? Yes, although to different degrees depending on each individual’s circumstance. 

Some popular LGBTQ+ terms / slangs (disclaimer: these are to name but a few. Chinese slangs are evolving at such a fast pace, these could become outdated very soon but they would still be understood) :

Gay (men liking other men)

男同 (nán tóng), gay, 基佬 (jī lǎo), 断袖 (duàn xiù), 断背 (duànbèi)

Lesbian (women liking other women)

女同 (nǚ tóng), 拉拉 (lā lā), les, 蕾丝 / 蕾丝边 (léisī / léisībiān), 百合 (bǎihé), 兔子 (tùzǐ), T = someone who’s more butch), P = someone who’s more feminine

Bisexual (an individual liking both men and women)

双 (shuāng),通吃 (tōng chī)

哈喽,大家好。我是Kaycee。

Hello, hi everyone. I’m Kaycee. 

我们这一期回到同志骄傲月。同志这个用法很有意思。很多人应该知道,同志原来是指同一党员的成员或国家公民之间的一种称呼,英语是很有共产主义味道的comrade. 以这个语境用这个词现在用的很少了,可能会听见爷爷奶奶那一辈的人用这个词,年轻人基本上不会用了。一个共产主义味道这么浓的词怎么变成与同性恋有关了呢?

This episode we are back to Pride Month. The way we use 同志(tóngzhì) is interesting.  Many people should already know that 同志(tóngzhì)  was used to refer to members of the same party, or used between national citizens. Its English equivalent is “comrade”, which has communist connotations. The word is rarely used now in this context.  We may hear our grandparents’ generation use this term, but young people basically don’t use it anymore. How did a word with such strong communist connotations become related to homosexuality?

据说,是从1989年,香港人林奕华筹划的首届同性恋电影节开始的。他把电影节命名为《香港同志电影节》。“同志”的用法来自于孙中山的名言 “革命尚未成功,同志仍须努力” 。我们在第18期有讲过孙中山,所以听过第18期的朋友们应该理解这段话的用意。林奕华只是把这个寓意放在了同性恋的语境中。

It is said it comes from 1989 when the Hong Konger Lin Yihua planned the first gay film festival. He named the film festival the “Hong Kong Gay & Lesbian Film Festival”. The usage of “comrade” comes from Sun Yat-sen’s famous remark, “The revolution has not yet succeeded, comrades still must work hard.” We talked about Sun Yat-sen in episode 18, so people who have listened to episode 18 should understand the meaning of this passage. Lin Yihua just put this meaning into the context of homosexuality.

近些年来,其实大家也很少用以LGBT 为语境的“同志”这个词了。在流行网语中,近几年出现了好多词来描述lesbian 或 gay。对,LGBTQA+ 的范围中,中国关注的重点目前还是比较偏向于L 和 G。Anyway,不知道是演变的速度太快了还是我已经到了一定年龄了反正很多新词我是没跟得上。我在这儿就不一一解释这些比较新颖的词了,这一期也不一定会用得上所有的词,但是我会把目前在中国常用的一些词放在网站上。大家有兴趣的话可以上我的网站上看一看。

In recent years, people rarely use the term “comrade” in the LGBT context. In popular online language, many words have appeared in recent years to describe “lesbian” or “gay”. Yes, in the scope of LGBTQA+, China’s focus is still more towards L(esbians) and G(ays). Anyway, I don’t know if it’s the speed of change or if it’s just my age, but I actually can’t keep up with so many new terms. I won’t explain all of the new terms here, I may not use all the words in this episode, but I will put some of the commonly used words in China on the website. If you are interested, you can check it out on my website.

Okay,回到正题。中国是怎么看待同志们呢。很多人印象中的中国是非常死板的,认为中国肯定不会认同同性恋。怎么说呢,对也不对。

Okay, let’s return to the main topic. How does China treat 同志(tóngzhì) / homosexuals? Many people have the impression that China is very inflexible and think China could not possibly recognise homosexuality. This is both right and wrong.

回到中国古代,历史记载中国最早的同性恋是在商朝(公元前16到11世纪)。中国历史典籍中的《史记》和《汉书》在公元前202年到公元8年这段时间所记载的西汉帝王都有同性恋人。在《汉书·佞幸传》里,汉哀帝与董贤共寝,董贤压住了皇帝的袖子,皇帝不忍惊醒他,断袖而起。后人于是就用“断袖之癖”来形容同性恋关系。中国的古典文学也包括少数同性恋爱情故事和诗歌。

Back in ancient China, the earliest historical record of homosexuality in China was during the Shang Dynasty (16th to 11th century BC). China’s ancient records the “Shiji” and the “Hanshu / The Book of Han”, recorded in the 202 BC to the AD 8 period, noted that some emperors of the Western Han Dynasty were gay. In “The Book of Han: The Legend of Nine Fortune”, Emperor Ai of the Han and Dong Xian would sleep together. Dong Xian slept on the emperor’s sleeve. The emperor couldn’t bear to wake him up so he ripped off his sleeve. Later generations would use “sleeve-ripping kink” to describe homosexual relationships. Chinese classical literature also includes a few gay love stories and poems.

以前,人们对同性恋的态度平静而淡漠,对同性恋没有太多的溢美之词,也没有很多的诋毁指责。

In the past, people had a calm and indifferent attitude towards homosexuality. There were not many flattering words about homosexuality, nor was there vilification.

在文化革命时期(1966-1976),同性恋遭遇了历史上最严重的挫折。当时的政府认为同性恋是一种精神疾病,并且会让整个社会蒙羞。此后,同性恋行为被认定犯了流氓罪或扰乱社会秩序,同性恋者不得不转入地下活动。

During the Cultural Revolution (1966-1976), homosexuality suffered the most serious setback in history. The government at the time believed that homosexuality was a mental illness and would humiliate society as a whole. From then on, it was determined that homosexual acts were “committing hooliganism” or “disrupting the social order”. Homosexual activities had to go underground.

1991年,对同性恋犯罪行为的认定被彻底取消。专门面向男同和女同的娱乐场所,比如酒吧等等,都随之建立。

In 1991, the recognition of homosexuality as a sin was completely abolished. Entertainment venues catering to gays and lesbians, such as bars, etc., were established.

现在,同性恋在很多大城市已经不再遮掩,有各种同性聚会场所和交友软件,但是他们仍然面临来自家人的压力,无论是对同性恋歧视还是想要他们结婚生子,传宗接代。中国社会是非常看重家庭的,非常尊重长辈们,总是家庭第一,幸福其次。所以,现在面对中国同性恋人口的压力主要是家庭,因为大多数父母都难以接受这种现实。

Now, in many big cities, homosexuality is no longer hidden. There are various same-sex meeting places and dating apps, but they still face pressure from their families, whether it is discrimination against homosexuality, or wanting them to marry and have children to pass on the family line. Chinese society highly values family, respects the elderly very much, and always puts family first and personal happiness second. Therefore, the current pressure on the gay population in China is mainly familial, because most parents find it difficult to accept this kind of reality.

因此,很多中国人不敢跟自己家人出柜,就会选择形婚这条路。形婚,全称形式婚姻,也就是协议假结婚,有的真的会登记,有的未必。在所面临的压力面前,他们选择这样悄悄的幸福。

Therefore, many Chinese people do not dare to come out to their family members and choose the “sham marriage” or xíng hūn route. A “sham marriage” / xíng hūn (the full phrase is 形式婚姻 (xíng shì hūn yīn)” is an agreement to fake a marriage. Some are actually registered, some are not. They choose a discreet happiness in the face of pressure.

我在网上看到一个关于形婚的帖子,一个女生写的,想读给大家听。我稍微整理了一下她原来写的帖子,毕竟在网上发表的,有很多网语和读起来不太顺溜的地方。再加一句,她说形婚的时候,有时候是指和她形婚的男生,大家听的时候要注意一下。原文链接我会放在下方描述箱里和网站上。

I saw a post about a sham marriage on the internet, written by a woman, and I would like to read it to everyone. I tidied up the post she originally wrote. As it was published on the internet, there is a great deal of online language and places that are not smooth to read aloud. One more thing, when she speaks about the sham marriage, she sometimes refers to the guy who married her. Everyone should pay attention when listening. I will put the link to the original text on my website and in the description box below.


我是07年认识形婚的,那时候是一个公司的同事,同事而已,没太多往来,后来机缘巧合知道了他是g,其实是他先看出我是拉的(我其实真的不明显,好么)然后我们就结婚了,至少同事那么多年知根知底,人品表象还不错,至少不会发生什么恶性欠债的情况。结婚第二年吧,我和我女朋友就分手了,和形婚这件事不能说完全没关系,当然其他原因占主要,伤心往事就不提了。

I came to know sham marriage in 2007. At that time, it was a colleague from work, nothing more than a colleague, we didn’t have much contact. Later, by chance, I learned that he was gay. In fact, he knew I was a lesbian when he first saw me (I really wasn’t obvious, okay?). Then we got married. Our colleagues had at least known everything for so many years. He seemed to have a great personality, so at least there wouldn’t be any unpaid loans. In the second year of my marriage, my girlfriend and I broke up. I can’t say that it wasn’t completely to do with the sham marriage. Of course, there are other reasons which are the main reason, but I won’t mention this sad past.

所以关于如何处理女朋友和形婚的关系想再多说两句,有人认为,你俩都结婚了,她就跟局外人一样,像个小三一样介入别人家庭,我想和这样的人讲真心不是如此好么,如果形婚真的和直婚一样有真感情,那众多父母们是不是都可以希望自己的同性恋孩子去形婚得了。我形婚对我女朋友还是态度相当好的,只不过我女朋友视他为敌人一样,我和我女朋友吵架是我形婚劝和的,所以这件事我还是很感谢形婚。

So I want to say a couple more words about how to deal with the relationship between a girlfriend and a sham marriage. Some people think that if you are both married, she is like an outsider who is intervening in another person’s family— like a mistress. I want to tell people that it’s really not like this.  If sham marriages really have the same real affection as straight marriages, then many parents would hope that their gay children would have a sham marriage. My husband had a good attitude towards my girlfriend, but my girlfriend still regarded him as an enemy, and when arguing with my girlfriend my husband would comfort me, so I am still very grateful for this sham marriage in this situation.

关于孩子,除了形婚生娃再有就是什么精子库,代孕之类的,但是我自诩没这个经济实力。对于我而言最担心的就是面对这样一个形婚家庭以后孩子的教育问题,我在生孩子之前就觉得,如果孩子以后知道妈妈是les爸爸是g,孩子会不会疯掉;但是有了孩子以后,我忽然觉得这个问题并没有想象中的那么可怕,不知道为什么这个小生命让我有了很多勇气。对于孩子关于认知同性恋这件事,我不想隐瞒他们的存在也不会引导孩子,孩子需要有自己的认知,首先告诉她同性恋并不是异类,他们和你看到的芸芸大众一样,只不过他们爱的是同性,你可以有自己选择性向的权利,他们也有。其次,我觉得孩子是否会性格孤僻另类是与父母的关爱有关的,这点我和我形婚十分一致,对孩子的爱和教育不会少。剩下的,就遇到问题再说了,办法总比困难多嘛~~

Regarding having children in a sham marriage, there are sperm banks, surrogacy, etc., but I can say that I don’t have this financial power. What worried me most was confronting the problem of educating children in a sham marriage family. Before giving birth, I wondered when the child knows that his/her mother is a lesbian and the father is gay, would the child go crazy? But after having a child, I suddenly felt that this problem was not as terrible as I imagined. I don’t know why this little life gave me so much courage. Regarding my child’s understanding of homosexuality, I don’t want to hide its existence nor guide her. A child needs to come to their own understanding. First, I told her that gay people are not a different species. They are the same as everyone else you see. They love the same sex, you have your own right to be selective, and so do they.  Next, I think whether a child will have an anti-social personality is related to the care of the parents. This point is very consistent with my marriage.  There will not be a lack of love and education for the child. As for the rest, let’s deal with problems as of when it occurs. There are always more solutions than challenges.

现在说一下生孩子这件事,我们是自己在家里操作的,为了不变成小黄楼,就简单归结成针管和倒立吧~~我很幸运,一次就成功,估计是排卵期算得好。其实整个怀孕和生产的过程是最孬心的,我没有孕吐,但是胃口不好一直持续到孩子8个月,就是见到什么都恶心,天天只能喝粥吃苹果,所有的产检是妈妈陪同要么自己去,也没有像闺蜜一样整个孕期开心的不得了,怀孕对我而言是一个孤单的、从未享受过的过程。我从来没有机会说一声,媳妇儿,我想吃苹果帮我削吧;媳妇儿,我腿疼给揉揉吧;媳妇儿,咱闺女出来了,老可爱了。。。

Now let’s talk about getting pregnant. We did ourselves it at home. To avoid turning this X-Rated, it simply came down to needles and handstands. I was very lucky. I succeeded after one try. I guess that the timing of the ovulation period was right. In fact, the whole pregnancy and childbirth process was the most sorrowful. I didn’t have morning sickness, but my poor appetite lasted until the child was eight months old. Seeing anything made me sick. I could only eat porridge and eat apples every day. My mother accompanied me for the check-ups, or I went by myself, and I was not happy during the whole pregnancy like my friends. For me pregnancy was a lonely process that I never enjoyed. I never had a chance to say, “Wifey, I want to eat an apple, help me cut it”, or “Wifey, my legs hurt, rub them”, or “Wifey, our girl is getting old and cute”.

再就是生产过程,疼是真特么疼,但是可以忍受,我忍受不了的是在那么多医生面前插大腿好么。。。指检好痛,那帮医生下手真狠,还叫我放松,疼都疼死了,放毛线啊。

Then there is childbirth. It was very painful, but tolerable. I couldn’t tolerate so many doctors poking my thighs in front of me. The finger examination was so painful, and the doctors were ruthless. They told me to relax, but the pain was so bad, how could I relax?

很多人都觉得生孩子是一件多么有勇气的事,说白了,经历了也就觉得那么回事,从你怀上宝宝的那一刻起,就没有退路了,只有一步一步往前走,兵来将挡,水来土掩吧。

Many people think that having a baby is such a courageous thing. Honestly, you will feel that after experiencing it. From the moment you become pregnant with a baby, there is no way out. You can only move forward step by step and adapt to different situations. 

不知道是不是年龄大了,对很多东西缺乏自信了,不知道是不是有人和当时的我一样,在考虑要不要孩子,开始怀疑现在和你恩恩爱爱的女人会不会分手,留下自己孤独终老;在考虑自己会不会在40岁开始疯狂的喜欢孩子,却没有什么机会再要孩子了; 不管怎么样,我从入圈子,谈恋爱,形婚,单身,到现在有孩子,虽然失去了很多,但是我很满足!

I don’t know if I’m getting older and lacking self-confidence in many area. I don’t know if there is someone like me at that time, considering whether or not to have a child, starting to consider whether to break up with the woman you currently love, leaving yourself to die alone. I am thinking about whether I will start to madly like children at the age of forty, but I have no chance to have children again. Anyway, I am in a cycle; dating, married, single, and now I have children. Although I have lost a lot, I am still satisfied!


我第一次读的时候挺同情这个女生的。我们想一想哈,如果在一个允许同性结婚的国家,形婚就代表着你不能与你自己心爱的人结婚。如果在一个不允许同性结婚的国家,形婚仅仅是一个让父母满意的画面而你为了这一幅画要辛辛苦苦的付出自己几年,甚至几十年的努力和精力。能想象得到,她在整个过程中一定很孤单,很辛苦。既然她很满足,我就放心了。这是她平衡了生活中的种种所做出的选择,我们就祝她幸福吧。

I really sympathised with this girl when I first read this. Let’s think about it, if you are in a country that permits same-sex marriage, a sham marriage means that you cannot marry the one you love. If you are in a country that does not allow same-sex marriage, a sham marriage is just an image that satisfies your parents and you have to work hard for this image for years, even decades of effort and energy.

我们下周见。

Wǒmen xià zhōu jiàn.

I really sympathised with this girl when I first read this. Let’s think about it, if you are in a country that permits same-sex marriage, a sham marriage means that you cannot marry the one you love. If you are in a country that does not allow same-sex marriage, a sham marriage is just an image that satisfies your parents and you have to work hard for this image for years, even decades of effort and energy. As you can imagine, she was very lonely and very sad during the whole process. Since she is now happy, I feel relieved. This is the choice she made to balance her life, and we wish her happiness.

See you next week.